From the journal of teddybearcholla dated yesterday ...[link]


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FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE A LITTLE TOO SERIOUSLY............



1. SAVE THE WHALES. COLLECT THE WHOLE SET.

2. A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, NIGHT.

3. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FINGERS.

4. I JUST GOT LOST IN THOUGHT. IT WASN'T FAMILIAR TERRITORY.

5. 42.7 PERCENT OF ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT.

6. 99 PERCENT OF LAWYERS GIVE THE REST A BAD NAME.

7. I FEEL LIKE I'M DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.

8. HONK IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET.

9. REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE BELOW AVERAGE.

10. HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST.

11. DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM.

12. THE EARLY BIRD MAY GET THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE CHEESE.

13. I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.

14. SUPPORT BACTERIA. THEY'RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.

15. MONDAY IS AN AWFUL WAY TO SPEND 1/7 OF YOUR WEEK.

16. A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS USUALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY.

17. CHANGE IS INEVITABLE, EXCEPT FROM VENDING MACHINES.

18. GET A NEW CAR FOR YOUR SPOUSE. IT'LL BE A GREAT TRADE!

19. PLAN TO BE SPONTANEOUS TOMORROW.

20. ALWAYS TRY TO BE MODEST, AND BE PROUD OF IT!

21. IF YOU THINK NOBODY CARES, TRY MISSING A COUPLE OF PAYMENTS.


22. OKAY, SO WHAT'S THE SPEED OF DARK?

23. HOW DO YOU TELL WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF INVISIBLE INK?

24. IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL,

YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY OVERLOOKED SOMETHING.

25. WHEN EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE.

26. HARD WORK PAYS OFF IN THE FUTURE. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW.

27. EVERYONE HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. SOME JUST DO NOT HAVE FILM.

28. HOW MUCH DEEPER WOULD THE OCEAN BE WITHOUT SPONGES?

29. EAGLES MAY SOAR, BUT WEASELS DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO JET ENGINES.

30. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?

31. INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER PERSON WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED?

32 JUST REMEMBER - IF THE WORLD DID NOT SUCK, WE WOULD ALL FALL OFF.

33. LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, WHICH IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK.

34. LIFE IS AN ENDLESS STRUGGLE FULL OF FRUSTRATIONS AND CHALLANGES, BUT EVENTUALLY YOU FIND A HAIRSTYLE YOU LIKE.

35. HIGH EXPLOSIVES ARE APPLICABLE WHERE TRUTH AND LOGIC FAIL.

36. LAST NIGHT AS I LAY IN BED LOOKING AT THE STARS I THOUGHT " WHERE THE HELL IS THE CEILING ? "

37. IF THINE ENEMY OFFEND THEE, GIVE HIS CHILD A DRUM.

38. BEER : HELPING WHITE GUYS DANCE SINCE 1862

39. JESUS SAVES ! BY USING DOUBLE COUPONS AND SHOPPING WISELY.

40. THERAPY HELPS, BUT SCREAMING OBSCENITIES IS CHEAPER.

41. VUJA DE - THE FEELING YOU"VE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE

42. DEJAJA VUE - " HAVE WE MET, MS GABOR ? "

43. DIJON VU - "THIS MUSTARD TASTES FAMILIAR "

44. DAYSA VU - " THIS IS THE SAME STOREYLINE THEY DID ON THAT OTHER SOAP OPERA "

45. DEJA MOO - " I SWEAR THAT'S THE EXACT SAME COW WE PASSED ABOUT 5 MILES AGO "

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